If you have critical feedback, you need to sandwich it between two compliments.
The average person needs 5 compliments for every piece of negative feedback– some people, like me, need a lot more.
I’ve made it a point to say thank you more often to the good people in my life.
And by merely being open to the idea of gratitude, I’ve seen many amazing things I would have completely missed.
Do you believe that you see what you want to see?
I do– and I’ve experienced the power of a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Some people call it the Law of Attraction or manifesting. Others get to a state of gratitude through prayer and meditation.
Expect to see me saying THANK YOU a lot more often– instead of making it up just to say it, to show true appreciation, less entitlement and complacency.
I want your help in this quest– to keep me accountable in increasing my thank you to criticism ratio to above 10 to 1, maybe 20 to 1.
On October 22nd, 2015, I was in San Francisco speaking at a conference, having just flown in from another conference and client meeting.
I’ll bet you didn’t know that I was literally homeless- I didn’t have place. I just bounced from one hotel to the next.
I was EXHAUSTED with no relief or end in sight.
The next 7 days were client meetings and speaking engagements in Seattle, Denver, Salt Lake City.
310,000 miles a year– and the average pilot flies 400,000!
These were all things I willingly signed up for, since how could you not refuse the very opportunities that hungry entrepreneurs would die to have?
Yet at 7:24 pm that evening, Logan Young came into my life and began gently working through my blind spots– teaching me that less is more, how balance and perspective matter.
Two years later, we have a great team and stable operations.
I’ve lost 15 pounds, actually live in one place for extended time periods, and have time to breathe.
I’ve gone from literally working myself to death (look up “karoshi” in Japan) to starting to have a life.
And it wouldn’t have been possible without a co-founder to balance me out.
Do you have a co-founder or co-pilot to help you navigate your business?
I’m a lousy manager, since I have little patience and I have trouble explaining things in plain English– though it makes sense to me.
Logan is an incredible teacher.
He is the rare person who doesn’t just begin a journey, but finishes what he started– despite the cost.
I don’t think there’s a problem he’s encountered that he’s not able to eventually solve.
He has no fear, though the challenges we have faced together in running this enterprise, plus private struggles that each of us face, which would make the strongest men cry.
A business partner is much like a wife– you probably spend more time at work than with your wife. You have “kids” to take care of.
The strength of this relationship is what makes or breaks the company– since your odds of succeeding as the lone hero entrepreneur are fairy tales.
Perhaps “brother” is a better analogy. A friend loves at all times, but a brother is born for adversity. And greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends.
I was too proud until recently to ever ask for help– perhaps this resonates with you.
Or maybe you’re one of the ones who has tried to help me, but I didn’t listen.
So learn from my mistakes on the importance of having a wife, business partner, mentor, eternal companion, coach, and cheerleader in your life.
Without counsel purposes are disappointed: but in the multitude of counsellors they are established.
Who is advising you and looking out for your best interests?
Are you fortunate enough to have a Logan as your business partner and friend?
“Resentment and gratitude cannot coexist, since resentment blocks the perception and experience of life as a gift. My resentment tells me that I don’t receive what I deserve. It always manifests itself in envy.
“Gratitude, however, goes beyond the “mine” and “thine” and claims the truth that all of life is a pure gift. In the past I always thought of gratitude as a spontaneous response to the awareness of gifts received, but now I realize that gratitude can also be lived as a discipline, the discipline of gratitude is the explicit effort to acknowledge that all I am and have is given to me as a gift of love, a gift to be celebrated with joy.
“Gratitude as a discipline involves a conscious choice. I can choose to be grateful even when my emotions and feelings are still steeped in hurt and resentment. It is amazing how many occasions present themselves in which I can choose gratitude instead of a complaint. I can choose to be grateful when I am criticized, even when my heart still responds in bitterness. I can choose to speak about goodness and beauty, even when my inner eye still looks for someone to accuse or something to call ugly. I can choose to listen to the voices that forgive and to look at the faces that smile, even while I still hear words of revenge and see grimaces of hatred….
“Acts of gratitude make one grateful because, step by step, they reveal that all is grace.”
– Henri Nouwen, The Return of the Prodigal Son: A Meditation on Fathers, Brothers, and Sons
