It’s just too much for me, the failure and pain. I quit procrastinating since I’m only busier tomorrow– I trounce fear head-on, doing that thing I’m avoiding immediately. I quit listening to people who give me unqualified advice since everyone has an opinion– but only those who have actually done X are qualified to advise me on how to do X. I quit thinking that I’m not worthy of good things happening to me since there is more than enough for everyone– my abundance mindset is what will attract goodness to me. I quit wasting my time since I value it dearly with learning and earning– I respect myself by imagining I’m a younger version of one of my mentors. I quit believing I’m destined for failure and have innate flaws– instead reframing my mistakes with “in the past, I used to… but now I ….” What are you quitting?

But first, this is me towards the end of the 3,000-meter steeplechase, after leaping over the water barrier. We sometimes ran over 100 miles a week, two runs a day starting at 5 am, plus weight training. Getting up when it’s dark outside, when you’re exhausted, to run 5 miles in 25 minutes will teach you endurance– to push through what you don’t think is possible. The top guys on the team were from Africa– how could I possibly compete, I thought. I was taking 21 hours while also working out and tutoring math, so my grades were suffering freshman year. I told Coach that I had to quit the track team to focus on school. If I didn’t keep a 3.7 GPA, I’d lose my full-ride, academic scholarship. But he told me that focus was what I was missing– that I had plenty of time I was wasting. Did I watch TV, play video games, hang around to chit-chat at dinner, hit the snooze button in the morning, surf pointless sites on the Internet, go out to drink, or anything like that? We all have plenty of time we can use when we are in focus mode– without cutting sleep. So I stayed on the team. And went on to have the best athletic performance of my life, plus get nearly a 4.0 my sophomore year. This is not about “hustle”, cutting sleep, or having fake optimism. Focus– cut out those wasted moments.

I’m convinced that LOVE is what most people are desperately missing and desperately craving. It causes them to flex on Instagram, secretly hoping for respect and adulation– social proof being a lightweight form of love. It causes them to work hard in their careers, sometimes resorting to stealing when the results don’t come fast enough. The incredible level of evil I’ve witnessed done by self-righteous, rationalized as “they deserve it” is all by humans in pain, who desperately just want to be loved. Today, see beyond the mean acts done to you by these people– and discover the pain underneath that facade, hiding a child that just wants love.

When you look back on what could have been, and the Phyrric victories you’ve “won”, realize it wasn’t worth it. The cost to be kind is zero dollars and almost zero time, but you do have to put aside your ego. This is how we all grow as people— to be the bigger man— and realize we are all broken people that need love. If you really need to be “right”, you’ll surround yourself with people who will agree with you, instead of helping you grow as a person. This is a lesson I’m still learning every day.

Selectively, you can rationalize any conclusion, by ignoring the dots you don’t want to see. That’s why your own self-belief and bias have massive hidden power in the outcome of any situation. Usually creating patterns that repeat— which you may find frustrating or may love. Face that bias head-on, as ugly and painful as it may be, to accept the dots that would lead you to a different conclusion. Separate emotion and logic, recognizing that both are important in your decision-making. Decisions made under stress, especially when HALT (hungry, angry, lonely, tired) are ones you will regret later. So delay making decisions when HALT, so low power, and negative bias don’t create overreaction, unwarranted pessimism, or harm to good things you have. Unnecessary sabotage is from limiting self-beliefs, especially weaknesses you ascribe yourself. Seek the counsel of credible friends who have your interests at heart to weed out these hidden biases, practice radical transparency with you (tough love), and unlock the goodness inside you.